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The Mullins Family

Wednesday, November 25, 2015


I've said it before, but its worth repeating that I was absolutely never prepared for the vulnerability that motherhood would gift to me. I was utterly blindsided by how much I could feel for this little person, and how much I couldn't control the outside world and its effect on her teeny-tiny soul - and what that would do to me, hour by hour. And there is no end to this. I have this child in my life and I will never ever stop feeling this vulnerable. I can never stop feeling for her. And let me tell you something. I was feeling enough for an army BEFORE she came into the world. Those first few years were hard for me. I still have PTSD I swear to you. And I'm still packing her lunch like it's Armageddon. What if she drops it? What if it goes bad? What if Sean eats it? What if a giant lunch monster comes in and takes all the food? She might feel like chicken nuggets AND mac and cheese, AND possibly mini oreos. I have issues.



It just works out that on the eve of the great day of giving thanks, I'm posting shots from the Mullins Family session two weeks ago. It's appropriate because Kristin is one I will forever be grateful for. She was one of the first caregivers and teachers of my only daughter who is today a thriving, assertive, comical 3.75 year old. When Olivia was just an infant, they were Kristin's arms that I passed my heart to in the mornings, sweating, late for work, that tug in my throat. It was her hip Liv sat on as I walked out of the classroom door, looking back over my shoulder through the glass, my heart torn to a million pieces, my mind steeling itself against the waves of emotions.

 We were lucky Kristin remained Olivia's teacher as she moved up. All the milestones were shared. The first of many, many words (and then strings of words) that never ended. Rolling, crawling and walking too. Liv called Kristin her 'odder mommy.' And it wasn't long before Olivia was walking into the classroom with me, her arms stretched out for Kristin. What a gift. An incredible, amazing blessing. Kristin's bond with Liv made it possible for me to walk out happy. A little less messy. A little more relieved. A little more focused. She made a very big difference, not just for me, but for Olivia too. And all the kids in her class. There is no price tag you can put in that.




After I decided to stay home, we kept Olivia in school two days a week because she loved it so much, because she loved Kristin so much. I did too. It wasn't easy the day (or many days after) Liv graduated out of Kristin's class, and we had new teachers. But it was nice she was just a few doors down. We would say hi or goodbye as we paddled down the hall to the front door. We'd stop and get a hug and a kiss. And then, something extraordinary happened. Kristin met and married the love of her life. A year later she had a baby boy!



It's probably been 6 or 7 months that Kristin has not been at the school. But Olivia still talks about her all the time. We visit when we can, too. But it doesn't matter how much time passes. This person is forever and inextricably ingrained in our story. She will always be here. And for that, I'm eternally grateful.


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